Incivility in Life

Incivility in Life

Rudeness in work is rampant, and it’s on the rise.

As I read this opening line in “The Price of Incivility: Lack of Respect Hurts Morale – and the bottom line” by Porath and Pearson in HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence, I paused breathing for a moment.

It was shared in this research-based article that incivility can present itself in many forms, from insults, blame, belittlement, rudeness, door slamming, side conversation, exclusion, blatant disregards of people’s time, to a short check on your phone when someone else is presenting to you.

I couldn’t agree more. The conversations I had had with others, the incidents I had seen, the stories I had heard from many others, and the lessons I had learnt from my own experience suddenly hit me hard. They point me to the conclusion that rudeness in work – sorry, I meant, in life – is rampant, like the flowers blooming in the spring (except that one is not as favourable as the other – well, both are not favourable if you’re allergic to pollen or if you are a lonely hopeless romantic guy/girl).

Why would I say so?

Continue reading “Incivility in Life”

Being LOUD!

Being LOUD!

I might have been too loud. I caused, and probably will still cause, tension to arise.

Today, I get into a debate – I would call it a discussion, if the tone had been unassuming and non-judging – over Facebook France Filter. I was trying to say that people who use the filter shouldn’t be seen merely as people who only take advantages (read: creating a pretentious image) of the tragedy (of themselves), but also as people who, at least, learn about the tragedy (through the social media). Despite the fact that some prior tragedies were not covered and that some will go back to their original standing after some time passes, it can be seen as a starting step to break our current habits (and who knows some stuck with it).

Last week, I was in a meeting with friends. I understood that the intention behind the meeting was good, but I felt wrong about the reasoning. And there, I spilled it out. And, just a few days ago, I argue that joke about racism is not to be taken too lightly.

 

(All right, you caught me! I’m going to stop talking about myself from this point!)

 

The thing that I want to share is that conflicting emotions, uncomfortable situations will happen in our life, be it in our home, at our work, with our friends, etc.

Now, what should someone do about it?
Continue reading “Being LOUD!”

Those Blue Eyes


“Let’s get out of this town,” she told me quietly, after our long conversation.

Hours had passed by, but my attempts to read beyond her lips failed. The only thing I picked up was her wish to escape, to leave. I lost to her poker face, her naturally made-up act and always-on smiles.

They may say eyes are the window to the soul, but her beautiful blue eyes said nothing.

“Don’t run. Aren’t you tired of running away?” I tried to persuade her back into the common senses.

She shake her head, “No.” I stood there while she retreated into the void.

Ignorance. A Bliss Or A Speech of Hollow Soul?

Ignorance. A Bliss Or A Speech of Hollow Soul?

People worry. I bet some of you do.

Look at the people around you, be it your friends, family, acquaintances, or even strangers sitting in the same café as you. Notice their expressions and their body language. Feel their voice tone. Eavesdrop at some of their chitchats. Take few seconds to glance at what they do when they are a bit free.

Then, go home and take a look at your reflection in the mirror.

Those people around you, would look different from your reflection, of course (unless you have identical twin). However, can you list down the similarities that both you and those around you have?

One that I have come to fully accept few months ago is that just as your story would never be truly understood by others but yourself (and your therapist?), others’ would never be truly understood by you as well.

Others might share some of their stories, leaving out the deepest, bare ones. You might share more than what they are willing to, but, still, you would keep the darkest one inside.

They might have their smiles and tone up, trying to appear happy. But, alas! They failed in fooling some of you, the ones with invincible visual and audial recognition skills (and yes, having one means you are proving my point).

But, do you care to ask what they are really thinking or experiencing at that moment when you caught something off of them?

A weak, soft and hardly audible, whisper tells you that you might be able raise them from the deathbed they are on. But, some cynics once said, “Nice guys finish last,” and “You’ll never be able to help everybody.” So, you quickly dismiss your inner voice.

No. Even worse, you don’t even think it’s your business to get your hands dirty. It’s their problems and not yours. Well, your defense would be something like “Just as I don’t feel like sharing my deepest secret, I think that asking means I am intruding their personal territories, their bluish ice palace, like the one from the Disney movie, Frozen.” (Then, why don’t we re-write Frozen so that Elsa lives alone forever in her glorious but lonely palace!)

It’s not wrong to feel that way…

…It is SAD…

It’s true that some of us have full plate already. We’ve got no time to care for others. We can barely take care of ourselves! Besides, we are also not good consultants. We’re not flawless and we might be giving wrong advices. But, would it be true if I say that they don’t need us to answer their worry and that it’s our attention that matter?

Quoting from Black & Blue by Paloma Faith, “I know a man who fills his emptiness with strangers. I know people who use chat rooms as confessionals. I know people who take midnight drives for head space. I know what they’d give for just one loving embrace.”

We worry, often about ourselves. A healthy dose of it keep us from staying in our comfort zones. It might push us to look for the meaningful.

But, when it’s just too much, please share it with someone, someone whom you can trust or someone who seems to care.

And, when the thought of asking someone how he/she is occurs, do not let it evaporates. Act!

There is no darkness, but ignorance. And, as Joe Biden said, “Don’t tell me what you value, show me your budget and I’ll tell you what you value,” the budget is your act.

_____

P.S. This is the second part of my take on Make It Mighty Ugly, on naming our demons section. The first part, about our strengths/hero qualities, is covered here.

Photo credits: Gisela Giardino https://www.flickr.com/photos/gi/479194161/

Keeping The Noise Out!

Keeping The Noise Out!

When was the last time you tuned out the outer world and just listen to your inner voices? And when was the last time even your inner voice discourage yourself from being fantastic?

I know a friend who was trying to shut out outsiders’ discouraging opinions about her, either it was that her dream job was unreachable, that she will need a long time before succeeding in that career, or that she was simply not fit for the job, the list goes on. She excelled in doing so, but yet to reach her dream.

Staying away from the discouraging opinions from others may help us being more confident of ourselves and enable us to take a leap of faith. However, Continue reading “Keeping The Noise Out!”

Make a Habit of … (insert anything you’d like to be great at)

Make a Habit of … (insert anything you’d like to be great at)

Have you ever had hard times when it comes to regularly hitting the gym or picking up your notebook and write?

Good to know that some of you have not.

If you are a bit like me, who have stumbled upon walls – so high you think you can’t get through – when starting new activities, perhaps it happens because we are not accustomed to that particular activity, that we have not made the habit of doing it religiously (or we fear being judged). In her post Best Advice: Make a Habit of Something Every Day, Gretchen Rubin share the best advice she has ever got: Continue reading “Make a Habit of … (insert anything you’d like to be great at)”

Frustrated, Mad, and Sad (on The Act of Commenting)

Frustrated, Mad, and Sad (on The Act of Commenting)

The firefighter sirens are ringing. Busy. Loud.

The chat between my colleagues and me comes to mind. We were talking about how different I dressed that day, better looking than usual. Exaggerating a bit, I went on blurting out “Oh, so I were ugly usually?” and “Fortunately, I don’t care what other says about me” lines (OK, the first line was pure kidding, although I forgot to thank her for her compliment!).

Being the wiser one, she said,

“Yes, that’s good. We should not let others’ comments bury us alive. We should do what we want, not what others want us to. But, don’t get it wrong, we should also be wise about that. It’s not like we should punch others just because we want to. And also, remember that not all comments are bad ones.”

Continue reading “Frustrated, Mad, and Sad (on The Act of Commenting)”