Incivility in Life

Incivility in Life

Rudeness in work is rampant, and it’s on the rise.

As I read this opening line in “The Price of Incivility: Lack of Respect Hurts Morale – and the bottom line” by Porath and Pearson in HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence, I paused breathing for a moment.

It was shared in this research-based article that incivility can present itself in many forms, from insults, blame, belittlement, rudeness, door slamming, side conversation, exclusion, blatant disregards of people’s time, to a short check on your phone when someone else is presenting to you.

I couldn’t agree more. The conversations I had had with others, the incidents I had seen, the stories I had heard from many others, and the lessons I had learnt from my own experience suddenly hit me hard. They point me to the conclusion that rudeness in work – sorry, I meant, in life – is rampant, like the flowers blooming in the spring (except that one is not as favourable as the other – well, both are not favourable if you’re allergic to pollen or if you are a lonely hopeless romantic guy/girl).

Why would I say so?

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Being LOUD!

Being LOUD!

I might have been too loud. I caused, and probably will still cause, tension to arise.

Today, I get into a debate – I would call it a discussion, if the tone had been unassuming and non-judging – over Facebook France Filter. I was trying to say that people who use the filter shouldn’t be seen merely as people who only take advantages (read: creating a pretentious image) of the tragedy (of themselves), but also as people who, at least, learn about the tragedy (through the social media). Despite the fact that some prior tragedies were not covered and that some will go back to their original standing after some time passes, it can be seen as a starting step to break our current habits (and who knows some stuck with it).

Last week, I was in a meeting with friends. I understood that the intention behind the meeting was good, but I felt wrong about the reasoning. And there, I spilled it out. And, just a few days ago, I argue that joke about racism is not to be taken too lightly.

 

(All right, you caught me! I’m going to stop talking about myself from this point!)

 

The thing that I want to share is that conflicting emotions, uncomfortable situations will happen in our life, be it in our home, at our work, with our friends, etc.

Now, what should someone do about it?
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Frustrated, Mad, and Sad (on The Act of Commenting)

Frustrated, Mad, and Sad (on The Act of Commenting)

The firefighter sirens are ringing. Busy. Loud.

The chat between my colleagues and me comes to mind. We were talking about how different I dressed that day, better looking than usual. Exaggerating a bit, I went on blurting out “Oh, so I were ugly usually?” and “Fortunately, I don’t care what other says about me” lines (OK, the first line was pure kidding, although I forgot to thank her for her compliment!).

Being the wiser one, she said,

“Yes, that’s good. We should not let others’ comments bury us alive. We should do what we want, not what others want us to. But, don’t get it wrong, we should also be wise about that. It’s not like we should punch others just because we want to. And also, remember that not all comments are bad ones.”

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